you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
