Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
