I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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