Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
