i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
love makes seman taste better
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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