There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
