he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
