i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
