OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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