Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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