I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
