Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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