it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
