the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
