the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
