I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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