This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
