I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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