Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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