Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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