just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So squirting runs in the family.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
