Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
