Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
