ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
