just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
