the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
