I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
