I'm lost and stupid without you.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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