you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
