Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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