i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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