I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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