Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
