my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
