We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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