Non-Jews are for practice
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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