Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
