he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
