omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
