Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
