i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
