her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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