Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
