Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
