We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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