I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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