My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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