I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They took my balls.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
