Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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