Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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