Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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