i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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