Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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